Just when I think I got a tight reign on my AS, and functioning on high, I do something so textbook AS that I just want to crawl into myself and disappear. I'm sorry, but sometimes I do envy those NTs that speak smoothly, with effortless tact and grace.
It just seems like I go along just fine, even better than fine, dare I say even like "normal" until I talk. It's like my well formed thoughts get tangled up as they exit my mouth, and my anxiety about speaking makes it worse.
A small part of my job is to assist clients on the phone. The call was evaluated, and technically it was perfect. However, outside of the scorecard, I gracelessly was trying to remind the client that they should try calling their case manager first for assistance. Something I hear others say well several times a day. However, being the self conscious socially awkward aspie that I am botched my intended message, and came off sounding like I did not want to help that person and that they made a mistake by calling me. I should have just not said anything. This happens every time I try to do things the way an NT does them, you'd think I learn by now. So the supervisor, having evaluated the call, asked to have a little chat about the call. My supervisor is awesome, instead of sending me an email which she knows freaks me out, she talks to me directly (she does not know I have AS, but she has great instincts). It was a good chat, she wasn't mad or anything like that...she just asked me to listen to the call and evaluate myself, and asked me (even though the call was technically perfect) if there was any part that I though could be improved. I listened to the call, and even though my boss is totally cool, I was embarrassed that my "aspie" was showing.
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