My niche

Aspie here dealing with change...At work they gave all of us a second computer monitor, so we can do our work on dual monitors. Which is great, and I was ready for this change, they gave us plenty on notice...Today, my monitor was installed, and I love it. I had no problem adjusting to the dual screens, however I was having trouble adjusting to my augmented work space. I did not have a meltdown/shutdown or anything like that, but it took me almost 2 hours to move my stuff around, and position the monitors until I was comfortable. I was just not able to concentrate until I arranged and rearranged my workspace, and got my niche just right...

Grand mal meltdown

The last time I had a grand mal meltdown was a couple of years ago due to a major change in my life. I got unjustly fired from my job. I had the meltdown at home. I lose all composure, it's like pure anger and fear posses me. My rational mind shuts down, all sense of reason leaves my mind. I'm just raw outrage. I start by screaming, flailing my arms and swearing a lot. Then as I go nuclear, I curl up into a ball on the floor similar to the child pose yoga position, with my forehead on the floor, and I continue to wail. The wail comes from a place so deep, dark and full of chaos, it feels as if it's going to pull my soul inside out. I scream at my boyfriend to leave me alone, to get away from me, to stop talking to me because it makes me worse. Once I go full Chernobyl, there is no "me" anymore. The only way out of the cacophony and discordance is to just let run it's course. Then comes the feeling of guilt and shame about losing control. I'm lucky and blessed to have such a wonderful and understanding man that loves me...