There is honey in my thoughts today, but there lies a great divide between what I'm thinking and what I'm speaking. I try to bridge that gap with writing, which is not always an efficient means of communication in a social or business setting. I don't know why I lose eloquence from thought to sound, but my thought seems to break and fragment on their way out of my mouth, and my tongue shreds on the shards of my words. I suppose one part has to do with my social phobia, where another persons entire being is a sensory enigma to me. Their impaling eyes fixed on mine, as if to penetrate a secret out of me. I have to look away, but I think I have mastered this. I look up to the right or to the left, as if I'm heavily pondering what they have to say. When, in truth, I cannot make a connection to them based off of what they are saying to me. Yet, I am aware of the expectation of reciprocity, so I try, and merely choke on the tangle of my words.
Sometimes, what people say is completely alien to me. I remember someone speaking to me while eating peanut butter filled pretzels, and they said with staunch conviction, "these would be better if they were filled with cream cheese". Then their eyes met mine, and I had nothing to offer, but other people spoke in support of cream cheese filled pretzels. I just couldn't relate to them. My thoughts about the pretzels began and ended with "I'm hungry" and "Yay I'm eating food".
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